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A missing corkscrew is not an excuse for going without wine. Getting into your bottle without a corkscrew is not too daunting of a task. With a few items from around the house (and a little muscle) you'll be quaffing in no time.
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Transcript

Assistant: Dear Mike, my stupid roommate went out of town for the weekend and took our only corkscrew with her. Is there some other way to get into the bottle [cut to Ms. Thirsty swinging hammer at bottle of wine] or am I doomed to wait until she returns to start drinking?

Mike: Just drink screw cap wines. There are tons of good ones out there, so just get over it and buy some.

But if you already have a bottle picked out with a real cork, there's no reason why something like this should stop you.

One of the simplest ways to open wine is to shove the cork into the bottle. You probably want to do this over a sink since some wine will invariably splash out. [Clip of Ms. Thirsty pushing cork with her thumb.] If that doesn't work, look for something to push the cork in with. [Ms. Thirsty successfully pushes cork into bottle with wooden spoon.]

Ms. Thirsty: Thanks Mike!

Mike: Some people like to pull the cork out by sliding a butter knife in on each side of the cork, but it is a tad complicated and 5 times out of 12 you're going to end up with the cork in the bottle anyway.

If you have the tools, there's an even easier way to do it. You'll need a screwdriver (or drill), a good sized screw and a kitchen town or a pair of pliers. Drill the screw into the cork so it goes almost all the way through. Wrap the towel around the top of the screw to get a good grip and pull up, rocking back and forth. This will loosen the cork and allow you to pull it out a lot easier. You may get some pieces of cork floating around in the bottle, but who cares? The cork's clean, so it won't damage the wine, and at this point your main concern is getting the bottle open.

[Ms. Thirsty yanks the cork out with a pair of pliers.]

Enjoy!