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What Not to Buy Her for Valentine's Day

Unless she has a great sense of humor

by Mike Supple
published: 10 Feb 2010       | Comments

Sure, almost all women love roses. Florists know they have all men over a barrel this time of year, and the price of a dozen red roses commonly jumps to ten times more than the price the rest of the year. There isn't a whole lot that can be done about this, so find a decently reputable florist, make sure you have her correct address, bite the bullet and empty your wallet.

Assuming you have a few nickels to rub together after the flower spree, adding another gift on top of the roses is what will make this Valentine's Day special for your sweetheart. She's going to talk to her friends at the office about what you got her, and it's up to you to make yourself look favorable in those conversations.

Chocolate? No. [Are you trying to make her fat?]
Teddy bear? No. [She's your girlfriend, not your daughter.]
Candles? No. [If she wanted the house to smell good, she'd already have them.]
Underwear? No. [This is a gift for you, and she knows it.]

The obvious choice here is sparkling wine. Bubbles set a celebratory tone, and the alcohol might help her overlook the fact that you forgot to make reservations at a nice restaurant, which is why you ended up with takeout from the Claim Jumper - although you probably won't be that lucky.

While a lot of Champagne can be horribly expensive, there are some good quality sparkling wines out there that won't leave you struggling to pay the next month's rent. An Australian winery began producing one last year that retails for around $9 a bottle. Depending on who you ask, it is made from a blend of Chardonnay, Grenache, Shiraz and/or Pinot Noir (the bottle doesn't say and there is conflicting information in the marketplace). What isn't in dispute is that it is a lovely bright pink hue, it tastes like strawberries and cranberries, and it has a healthy dose of sugar.

The catch? Don't let her see the bottle...

...unless you want to spend the next several weeks on the couch!

All joking aside, if you like sweet, pink, sparkling wine, then the non-vintage R Wines Bitch Bubbly is for you. While not overly complex, it has a lot of good fruit flavors and is inexpensive. This is the second wine from this series (the first being the Bitch Grenache dry red wine), and the bubbly is quite popular among sororities.